Comunication--Help

I find it hard to communicate with people and I've only discovered this recently, It's as if someone has taken my social chip and replaced it with i hate everybody. 

But this has only been something to occur in the 5 months or so...And i cant seem to shift it. I can talk to people online well...Well i think i can but you put me face to face with someone and i go silent. And i find this really annoying because this wasn't the girl i used to be. 

If i liked someone i would happily be open about it now i just sit there in my mind going "you like him so talk to him? NOPE DON'T DO THAT JUST DON'T TALK AT ALL" And then i might cry a little inside my brain. 

I was always open about the way i felt if i didn't like you, you sure as hell would know about it and if i did like you we would soon become very good friends. But i don't seem to have that communication gene anymore. To the point that i think some of my friends don't even want to talk to me. 

Sounds bad doesn't it? THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS! 

I sit in my house and not talk to anyone. And its really starting to get to me, where has my life gone? Then i thought i know exactly where its gone! 

INTO MY COMPUTER! 

I spend far to much time on here instead of talking to people i would much rather have a screen in-front of me then a person and i absolutely hate that idea. THAT'S NOT ME!
When did i become one of those people i absolutely despise? I wish i knew but i know for sure i hate it every second. 

But its easier said then done to get out of a routine you have gotten yourself into. Instead of meeting people online i would go to a pub and meet them that way or meet them through a friend. And then we would hang out so on and so forth and you have friends. So im going to try and be a little more social and out going.

I'm not too sure how this is going to play out...But I'm going to give it a try.
So if your a new friend come hang out with me and lets go do something? 

So for now from the girl who hates everyone 
Peace x

Love...

So this has been a question that has been in my mind for a while...

How do we know we have found love and how do we know we have lost it? 

I mean if we're not sure what is it how do we know we have gained or lost something? Love is something that has only ever been explained to me from what others perceive love as...some say it's a feeling in your stomach, others say it's inside your head it's a connection but what is it really? 

Why does everyone crave it so much? And why is it so hard to find? Is it because we are too fussy and go by looks and not the personality or is it because we don't actually know what the hell we are looking for? 

Films have always taught me a lot and I'm starting to think they may have taught me the wrong things about love? Or where they right all along and I shouldn't just settle I should keep searching until I feel I can tell my children and others what love is?

How long will I be searching for? 

All questions I don't know the answer too all questions i wish I knew the answer too. And I know that adults will say to me your young why are you concerning your self with these thoughts? 

And my answer will be: because media has bought me up in a world where that's all that matters that what songs are Written about and films books and adverts...You can't get away from it. 

There is one thing I know, I'm glad I don't live in a time where love is forced apon you where your parents choose who you will be "happy" with. And that I get to find it all on my own. You get to make mistakes and fall in love with the wrong people and then when you fall in love with the right person you know. 

You get that feeling. And I will be proud in the day when I can say I know what that is. 

So for now I'll keep making mistakes...

Peace x 

Merry Christmas and a very drunk new year.

So its not long until its christmas in fact its 5 days!!!!

So i thought i would write a post wishing you all a very merry christmas and a very happy new year. 

I will resume writing in january or after christmas sometime. 

As I feel I have nothing to really write about at the moment and im hoping next year will be much more eventful than this year and maybe not so depressing.

moreover (hah big words) I will be creating a new blog when I turn 19 seeing as I will no longer be 18 . You may not care but im telling you anyway.

As you know I was creating a single camera production and through wind and rain we have finally created one. It's not our best one but we worked against everything. things have changed and all other stuff has gone wrong so much so we almost ripped our hair out.
but after it all we pulled through so here is the link you can take a look if you like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRAdctQYQhg&feature=youtu.be

So too all of you merry Christmas and a very merry and drunk new year...

P.S SOMEHOW I HIT 1000 VEIWS AND DIDNT REALISE THANKYOU FOR READING MY MOANING AND WHAT EVER YOU GUYS DO..SPEAK SOON :)

Peace x

Somthing..Anything

So I have been sitting here for at least 10-15 mins, trying to think of something I can tell you about and to be honest right now I have nothing.

I don't really do a lot. So I thought I would update you on college and the other blog and all of that. so here goes.

1) COLLEGE: So as I may have made you aware im currently working on a single camera production with my group my bunch of children as I call them and we had a great idea and then that went to pot. And to be honest with you since that I haven't really been feeling it. I don't really want to anything and everything just goes wrong so we have jumped from a horror to a romance...yeah one hell of a change but that's what we do. So other than script writing and planning that hasn't been super interesting but when the finished project comes around ill let you have a look of course.

2) SOCIALNESS: HA ha ha-ha! Oh! you guys thought I had actually done stuff no. no I have not. I go to college and on a Thursday I see one of my best buddies I then scrounge for things to do at the weekend and see people and then Sunday too Wednesday I am once again alone. Exciting huh? No not really I kind of wish people would want to see me more but apparently they don't. So its boring there as well.

3) OTHER STUFF: So what else has been going on in my life that's interesting...Oh! THIS PAGE IS VERY CLOSE TO 1000 VEIWS AND TO BE HONEST IM SUPER EXCITED! THAT MEAND 1000 TIMES PEOPLE HAVE BOTHERED TO READ THIS! AHHHHH! But seriously thanks so much for reading or at least clicking its very exciting for me and when I do hit 1000 im going to do something special...yeah!

So for now that is it!
Check out this weeks post on the other page!
http://theonlywayweknowhow.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/job-huntingrant.html
ITS VERY EXCITING!
So for now
Peace x

Time

Time something everyone thinks is endless when actually it's something that can be stollen from you very quickly and your stopped dead in your tracks. 

Today I have just discovered that time has passed me by very quickly, so quickly in fact I didn't know it had gone. I've recently been going through my cupboards and closest's taking out some of my soft toys.  And parts of my childhood is going into boxes. 

And to be honest I don't like it and it's very scary to think that's what I'm doing. I'm putting my innocence and childhood into boxes. 

Every one is so infactuated with the idea of growing up but does that mean I have to get rid of the things that made me happy that protected me from the bad things at night? It shouldn't. 

I want to live young and I can tell you something I'm never going to mentally grow up, I want friends to come over and play monopoly I want to play tag your it. And I want to go play on the swings. I don't want to save my childish ways for when my children come along. I want to remember and still be in touch with my inner child. 

I want to be blunt and say things that isn't classed as okay. I want to tell someone I hate them or love them and there be no politics or right and wrong. I want to go out and do stupid things.

 Go dancing randomly or paint my room bright green because that's what I feel like doing. I don't want to be what the generations before me expect. I want the world and the generations after me to keep their innocence I want them to believe in Santa no matter what age they are and I want them to brush their teeth so the tooth fairy will be happy with there nice clean teeth. I want it to feel like Christmas everyday. I don't want the worries of money or anything like that. And I sure as hell am not going to let it bother me. 

And I'm  going to make sure that happens in my life. A really close and good freind of mine has promised me he will never let me loose my inner child and I have promised him the same thing. And I know, that we are going to be inner children no matter what. 

Don't let the world make you miserable. Do the things that children do. Hand paint and go one the swings, it's still fun no matter what age you are. I promise. 

Peace x 

What happened to me

I've been wondering the same thing over and over for the past few months what the hell happened to me. 

About 7-8 months ago I used to be this bubbly upbeat girl who never had a problem with anything now I sit alone bored out of my mind. Frankly in a bad mood. I never seem to get out of it. 

I have a great bunch of friends don't get me wrong but it would seem that our days clash one is busy when the other is free. I'm bored of the same thing over and over again round in a circle. 

I was never lonely now I am. All I want is someone to message me every now and again and ask how I am. Instead I always contact them. Apart from a couple if people. But I mean c'mon am I that bad? 

I don't want to be like this picture down in the dumps and bored of everything. I want to be lovely and upbeat I want colours In my life I don't want it to be black and grey anymore. I know it's mainly before. I put all my eggs in ine basket and when the basket broke my eggs had no where to go. My other baskets got fed up. But please come back. I miss you. 

So...yeah...my rambling is over. And hopefully the next post will be much more upbeat. (Fingers crossed) 

Peace x 

Oct half term 2013

So this half term has been filled with lots of wonderful things to do so I thought I would share my adventures with you. 

First thing I did was COMIC CON!! Let's just say it was fricken amazing I went with a great bunch of people I went with my college friends because we're all big nerds. We didn't dress up to the full existent but may we totally wil!! 

After that wondrous event it became Halloween and in my mind what a better excuse to hang out without engrained and drink! So here are some more pictures. 

So yeah blood and all that but did I get over the hype of course not I had a second party! So more pictures...

So yeah this half term has been great I've been chilling (not doing college work) and drinking what could be better than that! Nothing. So not the most interesting post but a little bit to keep you amused oh another thing to keep you amused in in my friends YouTube video you should check it out! Here take a look! 

http://youtu.be/edoJSiyJkhI

Peace x